I was born in Cleveland, Ohio in 1964 and am a classic Aquarian.
I'm about 5'9" and 180 lbs.
As you can see above, I have long brown hair, a long beard, and green/hazel eyes.
The Story:
I grew up in Euclid, Ohio, just east of Cleveland. The family wasn't perfect, but it was supportive. While my father was largely just an inhabitant in the house, my mother and brother were always loving and giving. I was always encouraged to learn and grow and become my own person. That I did. I was not "normal", and was usually the odd one out in school: the egghead. However, I also rather reveled in that strange position.
The Coming Out Story:
I finally came out of the closet in 1994. It was kind of a 30th birthday present to myself. I'd been aware of my sexual orientation for as long as I can remember. I just never got around to doing anthing about it until I realized 30 was fast approaching.
I am a Bear. (for whatever that means.) One of things that had helped to keep me in the closet was the commonly held stereotype of what a gay man is. I didn't fit it and didn't find the stereotype appealing. I've always liked being, and looking at, hairy, bearded men.
Then one day, I saw a model (see here) in an issue Honcho magazine that I liked, that I REALLY liked. A few years later, I was in New York City and ran into issue 5 of Bear Magazine. That was it, I'd found it. I was home.
Getting around to coming out to others still took several more years though. I was worried about how my friends and my Roman Catholic family would react. Not that I had anything to worry about. My friends are largely forward thinking, wacky people like myself. In general their reaction was either: "We're glad YOU finally figured that out." or "Oh, that's nice."
The family was not that different. As it turned out one of my brothers is gay too. We more or less came out at the same time and figured it out about each other before we got around to asking. One day, we sat staring at each other over a table full of food, not really talking and not eating. Then it all came out... "I'm gay."... "So am I."... "Good, now that that's over with we can have dinner." He is a blessing to me.
Mom, worried us. We loved her dearly, and she us. We finally decided on a double whammy and both told her at once. She wasn't happy, but she accepted it, asked a few questions, and continued to love us. She was a blessing to us.
Dad really worried me. We'd never agreed on anything. This revelation too, turned out to be anticlimactic. There was basicaly no reaction and no discussion. He just added it the the long list things in life that were irrelevant to him and kept watching TV.
I found coming out to be a transformational experience. I started out thinking things like: "Pride marches and such are well and good, but just not for me, maybe someday." And before long it bacame, "You know this is important, I need to do this." It all happened rather quickly once I got the ball rolling. Years of pent up frustration fell away almost all at once. Within months I was holding hands in public.
And that's about that. In almost no time at all, I found myself in charge of the newly forming group The Cleveland Bears. One relatively brief relationship later (this too was a blessing), I found my hubby Arron. About a year later, on the Autumnal Equinox of 1996, we were married at a ceremony attended by friends and family. In 2001, we called those friends together again in order to help us celebrate our fifth anniversary and our continuing love for each other. We are currently in the process of living happily ever after. He is one of my very greatest blessings.
The Second Coming Out:
After coming out of the sexual closet, I had one more coming out to deal with.
I'd never liked cigarette smoke. It drives me crazy. Can't stand the smell, never could.
But, I liked the look of a man smoking a cigar or pipe. I likedthe smell. It's just really excites me. I'd experimented through the years, and smoked cigars and pipes in private. Fortunately, my hubby is agreeable and shares the occasional cigar or pipe with me. Now, I no longer make bones about it. I'm determined to keep it from becoming an addiction, but I have a nice selection of cigars and a growing collection of pipes that I now call my own and enjoy whenever I like.
But wait, there's more...
The Quest:
While this recent chapter of my life is now very importand to me, it is not the whole of the story. There are several important things that merit considerable comment.
First, and foremost of all, is the spiritual aspect. I believe that the Divine touches every part of us at every moment of our lives. My Roman Catholic upbringing taught me to love God and gave me a great appreciation of the beauty of the Church's liturgy and tradition. Not that I agree with the leadership of the Church on all, or even most matters. But it did give me the first appreciation of encounter with the Divine. The fact that I grew up in the wake of the Second Vatican Council means that I had a decidedly liberal religious education, one that taught me to think and feel and experience God for myself. My eternal gratitude goes out to those mentors of faith: my family, my teachers, and especially to Bill Raddell, Frank Smith, and Amanda Walker. Bill and Frank challenged me to make my faith my own. Amanda has been, and continues to be, my dear friend and companion on the Quest. For the continuing saga of my spiritual journey you can check this link to my Christian Mysticism Page.
The Tolkien Saga:
When I was in fourth grade, my brother did something that changed the course of my life. He gave me a copy of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings to read. Read it I did, again and again. It became one of the passions of my life, and sparked in me a love of reading, mostly, but not exclusivly, Science Fiction and Fantasy.
I fell in love with world Tolkien had envisioned, with elves and magic. I waited, none too patiently, (as many a librarian can attest) for the publication of The Silmarillion. When it finally was published, it only made me love his world that much more. I set out to learn elvish. It has been a fascinating, if sadly limited, undertaking. For more on all this, see my J.R.R. Tolkien Page.
The demi-mediaeval setting of Tolkien's works also got me interested in two other passions of mine: The Middle Ages and the Arthurian legends.
The Mediaeval Tale:
It started with reading Tolkien (in 4th grade)... then interest in the Middle Ages. By 6th grade I'd taken up calligraphy and starting learning manuscript illumination (for more on this see my Calligraphic Arts Page).
By 7th grade I had a medieval costume and was cooking feasts for my family. My grade-school graduation present was a Wilkenson sword from England. Then, one fine Fall day in 1979, I was at a renaissance festival at Stan Hywett Hall in Akron, Ohio with my family. I was in my tunic and tights with my sword at my side when I encountered a group of people dressed like I was! I couldn't believe it... you mean other people are interested too! They were dancing and swinging swords and what not else. I had encountered the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA). By the following Wednesday, I was involved in a group that has been part of my life ever since. The SCA is a non-profit educational organization devoted to the study and recreation of the Arts, Sciences, and Chivalry of the Middle Ages. They are a great and wonderful group of people. For more information on the SCA, try going here.
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